


Behind Our Lie there is a Truth

by daisymaemoreau



Category: The Last Hours Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: F/F, F/M, Fake Marriage, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Kissing, M/M, Marriage, Marriage Proposal, Parabatai Bond, Secret Relationship
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-06-18
Updated: 2020-09-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 00:21:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 9,780
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24784546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/daisymaemoreau/pseuds/daisymaemoreau
Summary: Cordelia Carstairs and James Herondale have decided to announce their engagement for a reason. Their close friends know it is a lie but their families do not. Cordelia can't stand having to lie about their engagement but she knows it's for the best to keep her reputation and James's secret. But time changes within each day. Eventually, what if behind their lie there is a truth? A truth that they have told everyone?
Relationships: Alastair Carstairs/Thomas Lightwood, Ariadne Bridgestock/Anna Lightwood, Cordelia Carstairs & Lucie Herondale, Cordelia Carstairs/James Herondale, Grace Blackthorn & Jesse Blackthorn, Grace Blackthorn/James Herondale, Jesse Blackthorn/Lucie Herondale, Matthew Fairchild & Anna Lightwood, Matthew Fairchild & James Herondale, Tessa Gray/Will Herondale
Comments: 5
Kudos: 73
Collections: Shadowhunter Chronicles





	1. Thy People Shall Be My People

**Author's Note:**

> For @/verse_this_out on Instagram. Hopefully, this is as good as I promised how it would be.

Weddings were something that one should be proud to be planning but Cordelia did not see the joy in planning a wedding. She was happy to be marrying James, but she was unhappy in the way it was going about. Marriage is about love. Not protecting one’s reputation or concealing one’s love for another. Will had been very generous of late and Cordelia could only think it was because she was a Carstairs. When she told Lucie about that, Lucie almost threw a book at her saying how she was wrong and how her parents love her very much. Cordelia could tell Tessa saw something odd about her and James’s engagement and Cordelia had never wanted to tell someone the whole truth before in her life. But she always abandoned that thought as James always made a face to show that their engagement was something that would last forever and not of a whole year.

She knew she’d have to accept that it would only last a year and that when it was over she would have to seek a new husband who would love her and treat her the way a woman should be treated. She always wondered how James would treat her if this was all real but unfortunately she wouldn’t know since their engagement for marriage was fake.

“Daisy?” Cordelia looked up at the sound of her nickname that only the Herondale siblings used. “Are you okay?”

She nodded her head at her soon to be _parabatai_. It was going to take some time with getting used to the idea that she and Lucie would soon be _parabatai_. They both thought this day would never come because of everything that had happened but her cousin Jem had said that now would be the best time to have a _parabatai_ considering the situation that she got involved in when her, James and Matthew visited the Silent City. “You seem distracted. Do you not want to go through with this anymore?”

“No!’ Cordelia said in shock that her friend would suggest that. “I wouldn’t want to be _parabatai_ with anyone else.”

Lucie beams at that just as there is a knock on Lucie’s bedroom door. Both of them turned their heads towards the door and saw Tessa slowly open the door and enter her daughter’s room. “I’m sorry to interrupt girls.”

“It is okay mam,” Lucie reassured her mother. Though Lucie’s reassurance looked like it worked Cordelia knew that Tessa was hiding something. “What is it?” Worry had become evident in Lucie’s voice now and Tessa looked at her.

“Oh, it’s nothing. Cordelia, your brother is waiting for you.” Tessa smiles and leaves the room after that.

Lucie and Cordelia give each other a look and rush after Tessa. “Mrs Herondale?” Cordelia asks when she finally catches up with her. “Are you sure everything is okay?” Tessa did not say anything but just smiled instead as she led both Lucie and Cordelia to where her brother was waiting for her.

* * *

“Why did you never have a _parabatai_?” Cordelia asked her brother when they walked inside. Alastair had mentioned that Sona was asleep in her room because of the baby being due soon. Cordelia placed the chances of her and Alastair’s new sibling being a girl, but Alastair always looked at her when she mentioned it saying “One of you is annoying enough.” Other siblings might find that offensive, but Cordelia knew there was something lovingly behind his words.

Alastair only shrugged at her questioned but answered it as they climbed the stairs. "We moved around a lot because of father." The mention their father sent a shiver down her spine. She adored her father at one point but when she learnt the truth him Cordelia didn't know if she could look him in the eye again. Not in the same way she did when she was little. "If we did stay in one place though, I still wouldn't want to have a _parabatai_."

"Why not?" Alastair shot his sister a look and Cordelia knew that was the end of their conversation about Alastair having a _parabatai_.

"You must sleep, Layla." It was Cordelia's turn to shoot a look at her brother. He gave her a look back and she started to climb the stairs but her brother's long sigh made her stop. It was the kind of sigh she knew he used when he wanted to know something about her personal life. "Layla, there's something I want to ask about you and James." Cordelia's heart started to accelerate after that. Now was not the time. She did not want to tell her brother anything about her and James' arrangement but she knew he was going to ask about it anyway. "There's something your not telling me about it isn't there?" Alastair asked. She was surprised by her brother's honesty about wanting to know about it but also shocked at the concern that was evident there. She had begged the Angel for months for her brother not to ask about her arrangement with James, let alone why they did it. She knew there was only one thing to say that would stop him from asking any more questions, though she was fairly sure it would spark an argument causing Sona to wake up.

"Goodnight Alastair." Cordelia hurriedly climbed the stairs after that and closed the bedroom door behind her. Only the Merry Thieves knew about her and James's fake marriage and she wasn't ready for her brother to know. Let alone let her mother overhear her incase Alastair boiled with anger about how James is treating her wrong.

"Layla," Alastair says quietly.

"It's none of your concern." Alastair didn't leave her room when she said that. He just walked over and sat on her bed. Waiting for her to crack. She knew it was only fair to tell him about it since she knew about his relationship with Charles. Well, it was no longer one now that Charles is engaged to marry Grace. A shiver went down her spine at the thought that the person her brother once loved is getting married to someone who has made an arrangement with her own fiancé.

There once was a time where she thought there would be something more between her and James but that dream left a few months ago. "There is. I know there is."

"Even if there was something I wouldn't tell you because I know what you would do Alastair," Cordelia snapped at her brother. "I grew up with you and I know what you're like. If I told you I'd expect you not to do what you would plan on doing." Alastair looked at her blankly.

"I protected you all those years ago when father was a drunk. I am still keeping my word by protecting you. You haven't been yourself and that is why I know something is off."

"What is going on?" a tired voice asks. Alastair and Cordelia both turn their heads to see Sona in the doorway to Cordelia's room.

"Nothing. Alastair was just leaving." Alastair shot his sister a look and Sona just nodded.

Watching their mother leave, Alastair turned around and glared at her. "I'm not leaving," he said to her stiffly.

"Fine. Watch me sleep then." Cordelia turned around and went to grab her nightclothes and went to go change in them. She heard Alastair let out a huff and then her bedroom door close— a sigh of relief dragging out from her mouth. She knew she'd have to tell James tomorrow before the ceremony started, but she would rather tell Lucie. Just as Cordelia crawled into bed, the tap on her window caused her to turn around and come face to face with James on the other side. Cordelia just stared at him and the blank mask he wore. She knew there was something behind it but it was always hidden. The tap came again and she let out a soft sign and went to the window and opened it for him.

"Come to rescue me from the tower like a knight in shining armour?" she deadpanned. He gave her a weird look and Cordelia just turned around. "What do you want James?"

"I think Mam doesn't believe our-" James started but the rest was muffled as Cordelia had hurriedly turned around and put a hand on his mouth.

"Follow me." She took hold of his hand and silently lead James to the parlour where she closed the doors behind them. "She is not the only one. Alastair doesn't either. Well, he is more thinking that there is something else."

"We cannot just tell them," James said to her with a blank face.

"I cannot lie to my brother James," Cordelia said sternly. "I do know the consequences of this being told but I do not want to hide this from my brother."

"You cannot tell him, Daisy."

"Is this the only reason you came over at this unreasonable hour? To tell me about your mother knowing it is not real?" she demanded. James didn't say anything but he didn't need to. "I think you should go, James."

"Daisy."

"Don't you 'Daisy' me," Cordelia said angrily as she opened the doors and led him out. "Next time think of a better excuse to come out at a reasonable hour to tell me something. This could have waited for a while." James just looked at her and slowly and quietly left.

* * *

"Oh, Daisy!" Lucie exclaimed as she saw her friend descend the stairs. "You look as if you didn't get any sleep." Lucie stood next to her brother and he had his head down when Cordelia approached.

"No. I didn't," Cordelia said sternly and James knew she was glaring at him. Soon more footsteps approached and James mistakingly lifted his head to face Alastair. James didn't know if Cordelia had decided to tell her brother and he particularly did not want to know if she did. But the way he was looking at him, James had the feeling she did. "Alastair," Cordelia said lightly but there was something in her tone that said otherwise as his face contorted into something softer.

"I'll be with mother if you need me," Alastair told her as lightly as he could. James watched him walk away and stand with Sona as she talked to his parents.

"Daisy," James said eventually. Lucie looked between the two of them and sensed it was something personal.

"Oh is that Matthew I see? Matthew!" Lucie waved her hand and hurriedly rushed over towards him. Matthew looked confused at Lucie's sudden exclamation and then looked between James and Cordelia. He looked away suddenly understanding that something _was_ going to happen between the two of them.

"What is it, James?" Cordelia asked. She sounded annoyed but also tired at the same time. James suspected that she did not get as much sleep as he did. When James went to go ask her if she told her brother about their arranged engagement, Jem walked in and everyone went quiet. Lucie had rushed back over this time and a smile slid across Cordelia's face. "I guess we can talk about it later."

James watched as Cordelia and his sister walk towards his Uncle Jem which left him having to go stand with his family and friends. "Is everything okay Jamie?" his _parabatai_ asked as he stood next to Matthew. James only nodded his head and looked at his sister and Cordelia as the two of them stood in separate rings. Memories of his own _parabatai_ ceremony came back to him and he remembered how Matthew had asked if he wanted to call it off and how he then later feared he would turn into a shadow halfway through the ceremony. James was still surprised to this day how out of all of the people, Matthew had still chosen him out of their friends. James and Matthew had chosen both their fathers as witnesses for their ceremony whereas Lucie had chosen their Aunt Cecily as their mother was not a shadowhunter, despite having angel blood, and Cordelia had chosen her brother. James didn't understand why she had chosen her brother to be a witness but he supposed she would have preferred him because of the way he always looked out for her.

The Enclave, unfortunately, was there and it brought up some dreadful memories of their disapproval of his own ceremony with Matthew. But it was obligatory for them to be there so James had to fight the bad memories away. Grace was also there. She stood far from him and he had to fight the urge to look at her. Whenever he felt his eyes drifting from the scene in front of him, James felt a nudge in his side and received a look of warning from Matthew.

 _"Entreat me not to leave thee, or return from following after thee. For whiter thou goest, I will go,"_ his sister promised Cordelia.

James looked over at Matthew and saw that Matthew was looking back at him as if he too was remembering when they both promised those words to each other. 

_"And where thou lodgest, I will lodge. Thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God."_

Cecily stepped forward first and looked at his sister and then at Cordelia, gracing them both with a warm smile. Alastair stepped forward next and gave his sister a lovingly smile to her and then one to Lucie.

Cordelia called to Raziel, keeping her voice clear though James could hear some sort of tiredness in it. _"Where thou diest, I will die, and there will I be buried. The Angel do so to me, and more also. If aught but death part thee and me."_

James held his breath as he watched his sister step through the flames as the fear of when he stepped through the flames came back to him. He slowly let out a breath as he noticed the both of them exchanged runes. The two of them had a discussion of where they were going to put their _parabatai_ runes. Lucie had wanted hers on her shoulder like him but she said she didn't want to be like her brother. James didn't object to it as he had no idea where else his sister would put the rune but he did not press once she had made her final decision. He knew his father had his _parabatai_ rune over his heart where the marriage rune was meant to be, but that was all he knew. He didn't press for answers in why he had made that decision. Just like his father, his Uncle Jem had his over his heart as well. He didn't press for answers on his own decision in putting his own _parabatai_ rune there either. Matthew had his on the inside of his left wrist though. He watched as Lucie and Cordelia drew the runes on each other but the flames concealed where they had placed them as the flames grew higher. When the flames shot to the ceiling, both he and Matthew knew they had drawn the runes and would soon step out of the circles. 

As soon as the flames died down, James approached both Cordelia and Lucie as they stood next to each other with smiles on their faces. The two of them had been waiting a while for this moment to finally happen and now both could not stop smiling as it officially had. James embraced his little sister and Matthew pulled her into his side. James knew Matthew was going to be a bit flushed after that as he remembers when he had to look away when Lucie came over after their ceremony. Alastair went stiff in his shoulders when he saw James but Cordelia didn't say anything as she was too happy that her and Lucie's _parabatai_ ceremony finally happened.

"Congratulations Daisy," James said to her as he planted a soft kiss on her cheek. He knew she was taken by surprise but she smiled at him when he pulled back. Some tension left Alastair's shoulders and both Lucie and Matthew looked a bit relieved that they were still keeping up the public affection of their false engagement. Aunt Cecily just smiled at the two of them and then excused herself as she walked over to his Uncle Gabriel and cousin Alexander.

James let a small smile fall on his face when their families came over to join them and Cordelia slipped her hand in his.

 _Thy people shall be my people_.


	2. A Secret's Worth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "A secret's worth depends on the people from whom it must be kept."  
> ~ Carlos Ruiz Zafón

Alastair did not know what his sister and her fiancé were up to. He knew so little about it but he knew there was more to it due to the sudden announcement. At first, Alastair thought it had to do with their father but he knew his sister well enough to know she didn't see their father in the same way she used to. Alastair knew it was not best to corner his sister but he had no choice. He protected her for so long, he was willing to do it again— even if what he was thinking was true.

"Layla," Alastair greets his sister instead of 'good morning'. Cordelia gave her brother a small smile and he saw the look of tiredness all over her face. Worry settled into his bones and he got up immediately, dragging her up into his room. He would have taken her into the parlour but he knew what he was hoping to discuss was something he did not wish for their mother to overhear. 

"What is it, Alastair?" Cordelia asks stiffly. He looks at her and considers how he is going to ask her. _Are you and James_ really _engaged? Are you only doing this for the family's sake? Are you protecting him from something?_ Cordelia continues to stare at him waiting for an answer but he cannot find the way to conjure up the right words. The only best way he thought he could go was to ask bluntly.

"There is something you are hiding about your engagement to James Herondale. Is there not?" He looks at his sister and her face is stiff and shoulders tense. "Layla. You cannot live a lie."

"What about you Alastair?" she turns on him. "You cannot live a lie about who you love."

"This is different. I can hide mine easily but if your engagement is not true then people will find out. You cannot lie about something so serious Layla. You know that because of your countless studying for being able to come _parabatai_ . You know what it all means and a rune proves that." Alastair gestures to the rune _parabatai_ rune she has on her shoulder. "A wedded rune is much more serious. You cannot bare that rune if it’s a lie."

Cordelia looked down at her feet at that. He knew he had gone too far but it had to be said. He was protecting her and that was what he swore to do until the day he died. Married or not. But now, now that he thought this engagement was a lie, his protectiveness was stronger. "You don't understand Alastair," she said softly. "I know you're trying to protect me but—"

"But what?" he demanded his sister.

"You don't understand what it's like having to keep a secret about two things." She looked up and away as she said that and though his sister tried to hide the tears, he could still see them rimming in the corner of her eyes.

Alastair knew what she meant by the two secrets. He knew one of them was keeping her love for the Herondale a secret from him. He wished his sister was happy about how she finally had gotten what she wanted but could see it was killing her in the way it happened. The last secret she was keeping, he could only think was something that had to do with James. "The second secret has to do with him does it not?" Cordelia looked down again as a tear finally left the corner of her eye. She opened her mouth to say something but only more tears left the corner of her eyes. Alastair slowly walked over to his sister and pulled her into an embrace, sinking to the floor knowing she was slipping from his firm grip.

"You can't tell mama or anyone else," she choked out at last. He nodded his head and held her tight. He didn’t know how long they sat there for but it was long enough for his sister to fall asleep in his arms. Nothing ever made his sister weak as she was a strong soul but this was something new that was starting to destroy his sister inside and out.

* * *

"Tell us, Thomas," Matthew starts, "how does it feel knowing about the truth of what Alastair said?"

Thomas glared at Matthew at that question. He had spent months trying to bury that knowledge and Matthew bringing it up now made it surface back to the top.

"Do you ever think before you speak?" Thomas snaps back. They all knew Matthew was never like this and they knew something was wrong but they didn't ask because he wouldn't tell. If there was anyone he would have told it would have been his cousin Anna who loves gossip. However, she always swore to the secrecy of what Matthew tells her when they asked her when Matthew would behave strangely. James looked like he didn't know much either but he had his secrets too. Thomas didn't want to answer and if he did he was grateful Lucie's abrupt entrance holding him back.

"Ah Thomas!" Lucie exclaims. Everyone looks at him confused and Thomas couldn't help but look confused too. "We're going out for a walk. Come on."

Thomas left his spot on the couch and followed Lucie out the door as he knew what would happen if he didn’t listen to her. Lucie may appear to be kind and harmless to others but he and everyone else knew what she was truly like. That was possibly why he thought Cordelia and her made good _parabatai's_.

"What is it Lucie?" he finally was able to ask her. They came to a stop in front of a carriage and Lucie looked at him with a smile.

"We're going for a walk of course." He gave her a sceptical look as he did not believe her for one second. She rolled her eyes knowing that he did not believe her. "Alastair sent a letter to the Institute addressed to me earlier today. I read it over breakfast and well... I guess you can guess the rest."

She handed the letter to him and he carefully opened it to read Alastair's familiar scroll of handwriting. His handwriting was always hard to read due to all the letters being bunched close together but his writing was still readable. When he got to the end he felt his eyes go wide and looked up at her. "Why does he wish for me to also come?"

"I could only suppose because if James came he would return home with multiple bruises. Same goes for Matthew for knowing about James still being in love with Grace. And well Christopher... I think you know why." Thomas opened the carriage door for her as he knew well now that they were very well much not going for a walk. He helped her into the carriage and followed suit— sitting across from her.

"How much does he know?" he asked, looking at the letter again and seeing the words 'please bring Thomas with you'.

"I could only hope he does not know that much. You know what would happen if more people found out about James and Cordelia." Lucie looked away when she said that. Thomas would never forget the look on her face when she found out their engagement was a lie. He knew how bad she wanted it to be true but she was strong enough to hide the pain of her knowledge of knowing that it is not true.

When the carriage came to a halt, Thomas looked out the window and took a deep breath. "I shouldn't have brought you but—"

"It is okay Luce," he reassured her as he opened the door and stepped out. Helping Lucie out they slowly made their way to the door and knocked. Both of them expected to be greeted by the woman who helped the Carstairs but was both surprised to see Sona Carstairs at the door.

"You must be here to see Layla," Sona gathered. A slight look of confusion covered Thomas's face but Lucie nodded her head. "I'm sorry Lucie but she isn't—"

"It's okay mama," a voice said from behind her. Thomas felt his whole body freeze. He was not only trying to bury the knowledge of Alastair being involved in the rumours about his father and Matthew's mother. He was also avoiding Alastair. When Alastair appeared at the doorway, Sona gave her son a look and he nodded to her in a way of saying it is okay. Thomas watched as Sona walked away and he silently wished she would have stayed. 

"Thank you for coming to see her Lucie," Alastair said to her and opened the door wider for him and Lucie to walk in. Awkwardness surged through Thomas as the room fell silent. Lucie knew what had happened and though she did not approve of Alastair's involvement, she always accepted what happened in the past and moved on. "Hello, Thomas."

Lucie looked at Thomas and then nudged him when he stood in silence for taking too long to reply— which he didn't plan on doing, to begin with. "Hello Alastair," Thomas tries to say without anger being evident.

Lucie gave Alastair an apologetic look and then turns onto why she was here. "Where is she?" she asked worriedly. Thomas could never recall a time when Lucie was not worried about Cordelia. Even when she and her family saw them yearly, she still worried. 

"How about you come upstairs," Alastair suggested. Thomas looked confused but Lucie looked as if she understood quite well. Both of them followed Alastair upstairs into a room that Thomas now presumed was Alastair's. Lucie tossed her hat onto a vacant desk and sat down in a chair.

"How much do you know?" Lucie immediately questioned. Thomas turns to look at Alastair with his jaw set tight. "If you know all of it, Alastair, you must swear on the Angel not to tell anyone."

Alastair looks at Lucie and then at Thomas. "Do not look at me as if I can help you. Lucie is right," Thomas tells him a matter of factly. "You cannot tell anyone. Not even Sona. Not even—" Thomas held back on that last word as Alastair shot him a glare. "Sorry." Thomas only assumed there was something between Charles and Alastair and by the hard glare Alastair shot him, he knew he was right.

"Am I missing something?" Lucie asked.

"No," both Thomas and Alastair scolded at her. Thomas looked at Alastair and couldn't help but give a small smile at that moment.

"At least one of us can get Thomas to smile," Lucie mumbled which made Thomas glare at her. "Why did you want to know so bad?" She addressed this question to Alastair and it made him stand up straight.

"I only had assumptions that there was something more to it and I gathered my assumptions were right yesterday and the night before when your brother came—"

"James was here?" Lucie's eyes had gone wide at that.

"He climbed through the window and he and Layla had a hushed argument. She doesn't know that I know about the argument." Alastair looked guilty when he said that as if it was something he wished to not tell. Alastair walked over and sat on his bed after that and Lucie shot Thomas a look. He shook his head as he knew now was not the best time to comfort Alastair. "I have been protecting her for a long time but I cannot protect her from her own choices."

Lucie looked as if she did not know what to say but Thomas knew that this was where it was he had to do the talking. "You can still protect her Alastair," Thomas said slowly. He looked up at Thomas in both shock that Thomas was speaking kindly to him and was also speaking at all to him. "Though Cordelia made this choice on her terms, you can still protect her. It may be different from how from before but it cannot stop you. You're strong Alastair. If you were not so strong, you would not have spent all those years protecting her."

"That was a different reason Thomas," Alastair said sharply.

"So it may be, but it still does not stop you. Being there for her when she falls is protecting her as you act like a shield so nothing more can hurt her as she tries to recover. This morning you did that. Didn't you?" Thomas waited for Alastair to reply and only realised now how close he was to him. Thomas didn't remember walking over to him, let alone slightly sitting down in front of him. Alastair gave a small nod and Thomas pressed on. "You protected her and then put her to bed because you caring for her is a way of protecting her." A sniffle filled the room but Thomas ignored it for now. "You also protected her by asking the person that Cordelia trusts. Lucie. But you also asked for me because you know you can trust me." Thomas stopped at that and thought that maybe burying what happened those few months ago should not be buried but rather be spoken to let it all go. "You still trust me despite what happened at the party those few months ago and what you got involved with back at the Academy."

Alastair's eyes looked apologetic at that and Thomas only gave a small nod in a way of saying 'I forgive you' though he knows that no one else may but he will.

* * *

Lucie had stared at Alastair and Thomas's small conversation and thought she should leave the room but what she overheard was something that held her back from leaving— in case it got out of hand. When she realised it wasn't, she quietly left the room and slowly opened the door to Cordelia's. She looked inside and saw her _parabatai_ sitting up in bed staring out of the window.

"Lucie?" She looked surprised by her _parabatai's_ presence. "What are you doing here?"

Lucie slowly approached her and sat down on the edge of her bed. She handed Cordelia the letter that Alastair sent her to let her read it. Cordelia's eyes flicked from Lucie and then to the letter with the familiar scroll of her brother's handwriting. Cordelia looked at the last few words with confusion and that brought a smile to Lucie’s face. "Why did he ask for Thomas to come?" she asks.

"I do not know, but they are having a private conversation in his room," Lucie grinned at her friend. Cordelia grinned back and both girls scurried off Cordelia's bed and walked over to the door to Alastair's room. Lucie smiled at Cordelia and mouthed "I told you" to her when they heard voices speaking.

"I am sorry about what happened Thomas," Alastair said sadly. Lucie knew Alastair could feel sadness towards his sister and mother but she did not know he could feel it towards someone else.

"I have told you it is fine with me," Thomas explains— more reminds by the sound of it. “I do not know where everyone else lies with your apology but I forgive you. You live in guilt for numerous things. For example, what you did to me, you having been with Charles." The room fell silent after that and Lucie shot a look to her friend who looked as if she knew but was in shock that someone else knew.

"Your brother and Charles?" Lucie asked in a hushed but surprised voice.

"I do not feel guilt over that last situation anymore," Alastair told him. The room was silent and Lucie knew what kind of look Thomas was giving him. "I broke it off with him."

The room fell silent again and Lucie gave her friend another look and Cordelia nodded. "I knew. I was there when he did," she explained softly. Lucie looked back at the slightly closed door and knew she could not notice how Alastair had feelings for someone of the opposite gender. She knew there was nothing wrong with that, just she thought Alastair would be one of those people who would just be in an arranged marriage and achieve great power because that's what was in the blood of someone who wanted to have power like her Aunt Charlotte. Lucie then had a thought that she include this new knowledge into her story but there was a chance Cordelia would not allow it.

"Oh," Thomas gasped after a few minutes of silence. "Why is that?"

Lucie itched for her stele to draw the rune that would allow them to see without them noticing but then movement happened and they were more clearer in the crack of the door. Alastair was closer to Thomas now and Lucie grabbed hold of Cordelia's as in a way of holding back a squeal if she was going to witness something worthy of gossiping about.

"There are many reasons," Alastair said and Lucie felt her grip on Cordelia tighten.

"Ouch Lucie," Cordelia whispered and Lucie relaxed her grip a bit.

"And what was one of those reasons?" Thomas asked. Alastair stepped closer again and Lucie couldn't help but hold her grip tighter. Cordelia was gripping her arm too by now and a look of happiness crossed her face that Alastair looked like he was about to be happy. Again, Lucie supposed because of what happened between her brother and Charles.

"You," Alastair said. To Lucie, this all seemed rushed and it appeared Thomas seemed like it felt rushed too but that didn't stop him from lunging forward and kissing Alastair. Lucie gaped but that soon turned into a smile. Thomas might look happy afterwards but she would never tell him what she saw. Thomas deserved to be happy after everything that has happened to him. If that one kiss brought him happiness there was nothing that she would do to stop it.

* * *

Cordelia had to drag Lucie away from the door before she barged in like she always did. She always liked having answers to what she saw or overheard but this was something only little of people knew about Alastair. When Lucie finally gave in, she and Cordelia sat on her bed and made it appear as if they were having a conversation about Lucie’s manuscript.

"I was thinking of writing a new part actually," Lucie grinned just as the sound of Cordelia's bedroom door opened. "I don't know how to write it but—"

"Hello, Cordelia." Cordelia looked away from her _parabatai's_ grin to see Thomas standing in her doorway.

"I'm sorry," Cordelia said and looked at Lucie. Lucie's eyes went wide thinking that she was apologising for spying on him and her brother. Lucie, however, relaxed when she continued. "I did not want to tell him, but you know how Alastair is about things that involve me." Thomas nodded at that and Cordelia continued. "You cannot tell anyone that he knows. Not Matthew, or Christopher, not even James." When she saw Lucie and Thomas look at each other at her begging not to tell James she watched as the two of them agreed.

"Will you tell him though?" Lucie asked. Cordelia didn't know what to say. She knew she had to but she did not wish to tell him. "Daisy you have to."

She hated how Lucie was right but Alastair had protected her for so long to not let her know about their father's drinking habits, she only felt that this needed to be kept secret too. They all had been keeping secrets for a while now and everyone knew when someone was hiding something but this was something new. "I can't. We all know why I'm engaged to James so what is the need for him to know that Alastair knows. If James found out and confronted Alastair we all know how he would react."

"A seraph blade through the heart?" Thomas asked making Lucie wince at the thought of that.

"I would not be that cruel," Alastair's voice sounds as he enters the room. When Cordelia saw Thomas's and Alastair's eyes meet, she grinned at Lucie who then turned around and saw both of their flushed faces. 

"What would you do then Alastair?" Lucie asked, her voice dripping with curiosity.

"I would probably let him leave with a couple of bruises if he starts the fight first," Alastair shrugs. Cordelia knew Lucie was death glaring her brother just by the way Thomas grinned. "Or I would just politely ask him to leave."

"That's better," Lucie smiled at him and then turned back to Cordelia. "Now where was I about my story."

A groan left both Thomas's and Alastair's lips making them leave the room, dreading to have to listen to anything about her story. Cordelia shook her head at how they would not stay and listen to her _parabatai's_ interesting story about herself. Lucie went into a long conversation about what she planned on writing next, though it was something she normally did not do, it helped Cordelia forget about what had happened that day and she was more than happy to spend a whole day just listening to Lucie talk about a story based on her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please excuse any mistakes I made in this chapter. I wrote this at 4 am the other day and only just finished it now when I'm meant to be finishing up an assignment


	3. The Dead Becomes the Known

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ”Honesty is often very hard. The truth is often very painful. But the freedom it can bring is worth the trying.”  
> ~ Fred Rogers

Lucie trailed after her mother as she explained what she was planning for her _parabatai’s_ and her brother’s wedding. A sick feeling always came to her stomach when it was mentioned. Cordelia had meant to come but Lucie refused to let her step foot out of her house knowing Alastair would want to come and with Alastair knowing the truth, who knows what could happen. Tessa was explaining all sorts of arrangements to her but now and again, Lucie’s mind wandered a bit. It wondered from wanting to strangle her brother for making her live a lie to wanting to just be with Cordelia and wish it was all over.

  
“Lucie?” her mother’s voice asked. Lucie looked and noticed she was much further behind her mother than she should have been. “Are you alright?” Lucie was only able to give her a slight smile before excusing herself. When Lucie quietly left the room, she stormed after her brother knowing he would either be in the library or training room. The library was always the first place she would go and without a doubt, he was there by the window.

  
“You have to tell mam and papa!” she told her brother sternly. “I no longer want to keep a secret and I no longer want Daisy living a lie James. You don’t know how hard it is for me to keep her from coming here because of the pain it causes her knowing she’s living a lie in front of mam and papa!”

  
James stares at his sister blankly and then the sound of heels clicking on the floor echoes throughout the silent room. “Hello Lucie,” Grace says, her white hair reflecting gold into all the room. At one point in time, Lucie was thankful she could get along with her for Jesse’s sake but now, she couldn’t bear it knowing that she had to hide a secret and let her _parabatai_ have to live a lie.

  
“You’ll know where I’ll be,” she addresses to her brother, ignoring Grace. Lucie walked out and held her head high despite knowing what was happening inside of her. She hated keeping secrets from her mam and papa, but she knew she was doing it for Cordelia’s sake rather than her brother’s.

  
“Lucie?” a voice asked. She turned her head and noticed Jesse’s head leaning out of the door to his room. “What are you doing here?” She looked around and noticed her feet had taken her absently to his room. All Lucie could do was look at him silently and he knew what was happening. Jesse seemed to be the only one who could read through her lately and for that she was grateful. She could read through Cordelia and know what was wrong. Matthew could do the same with James. She always thought it was a _parabatai_ thing, but she realised that Thomas could read through Alastair and Anna could read through every one. Anna had not been around lately though, and it pained Lucie not to see her cousin and tell her everything. Anna would know everything without being told and she would still want to know more. Anna, however, was in Idris and only Lucie knew why but the others did not. Not long after Anna had gone to Idris, Ariadne had followed behind. “Lucie?” Jesse’s voice snapped her out of her reverie, and she was about to say something when the sound of feet on the staircase caught her attention. No one knew about Jesse being brought back from the dead and she did not think that now was the right time.

  
“I’m sorry,” she quickly said and tried to hurry away but instead was pulled into his room. “Jesse―” Lucie was silenced by a press of one of his long pale fingers to her lips. Her whole body froze at his quick movement and the softness of his skin. Silence filled the room but then was suddenly filled with the sound of voices from the other side of the door.

  
“Jesse?” Grace’s voice asked. Lucie’s eyes went wide and her head turned around rapidly to look at the closed door. She was not meant to be in a boy’s room but it was Jesse’s room and only a few knew he was brought back to life. Lucie always feared to have her runes stripped. She knew how much it meant to her mother that Lucie could bare runes and Lucie did not want to lose something that brought her mother happiness after fearing for so long. Jesse’s delicate finger slipped away from his lips and he walked over to the door— carefully turning the doorknob.

  
Lucie watched in amazement at how Jesse portrayed the idea of him just waking up from a deep sleep. “Yes?” he yawned at his sister. When Lucie was little, she always thought that the dead were in a long peaceful sleep, but now she wondered what her younger self would think if she saw someone who was once a ghost but now alive. If her younger self saw Jesse alive and breathing, she could only suppose she would think and say: “How are you so tired after being dead for so long?”

  
The sound of someone clearing their throat brought Lucie out of her reverie and making her look to see the eyes she knew since she was the little girl in Brocelind Forest, looking at her. She saw a question evident in his eyes and Lucie could only shake her head. Every time she thought of that night she first met him, she always lost her words as she never would think of bringing back a boy she met in the forest back to life. Some Shadowhunters would consider her insane for having the ability to see the dead that no other Herondale can see, let alone see the dead who do not want to be seen. Lucie knew that soon it would come to her family and other Shadowhunters would learn about Jesse being alive and not dead— Lucie dreaded that day. She felt content with having Jesse just to her. She enjoyed every moment with him.

  
“What is troubling you, Lucie?” Jesse’s voice caught her attention as he addressed her with concern. She looked into his grey eyes and saw the concern in the softness of the colour. Lucie would never admit to something but she always admitted to the knowledge of herself needing just only Jesse. Not her mother, father or Cordelia. Just Jesse.

  
She looked at him and he could read everything in her blue eyes which she inherited from her father. Jesse only nodded his head in understanding and Lucie felt a weight fall off her shoulders. She did not have to tell Jesse much these days as it only took one look for him to understand but he always enjoyed her telling him everything. Lucie thought it was because Jesse was deprived of life for so long he missed having a conversation with someone, as a living person, but Jesse admitted he just enjoyed talking and listening to her talk. Jesse also admitted his conversations with his sister had turned into something other than general talk. Lucie told Jesse everything— as she did with Cordelia. She felt she could tell him everything because she trusted him as no one knew he was brought back from the dead by her and Grace. “I cannot do it, Jesse,” she said. Jesse gave her a confused look, which he normally did when he just wanted to hear her talk, but today it was different. “I have had enough of keeping everybody’s secrets like James’s love for your sister. Cordelia’s fake engagement to my brother. Keeping you hidden away from a world that you haven’t seen so long and deserve to see. There are so many and I feel that if I was to be told another secret I would explode like one of my cousin Christopher’s experiments.”

  
The further explanation Which Lucie gave, brought a smile to Jesse’s well-sculptured face— a smile that was only reserved for her— and a light laugh escaping from his lips, making Lucie begin to crumble at the lovely sound. The smile remained on his face as he took hold of her hand and held it in his soft, delicate one. “Come on,” he gestured towards the closed door. It was Lucie’s turn to give him a confused look but he did not elaborate like she would for him.

* * *

Cordelia had not done much of late ever since she had told her brother about her fake marriage arrangement to James. Her appearance from the last few days, some would say she was avoiding the world and her brother. Which was, in fact, true to Cordelia’s beliefs. She was avoiding the world, mostly the London Institute, but she was avoiding her brother too. Cordelia was dreading the idea of avoiding the Institute because she knew how much it would be hurting Lucie to not see, let alone train, with her. But it was possibly hurting her more that she was avoiding the letters that Lucie had sent her since Cordelia had told Alastair.

  
Her brother’s familiar knock brought her out of her thoughts and turning her head to look at the door opening. Alastair’s familiar locks of black hair stood out against the pale walls of her room but the letter in his hand also stood out. “She sent another one?” Cordelia asked, knowing that the answer was going to be a yes. Her voice, however, came out raspy, possibly from disuse as she did not talk much lately either as there was nothing to talk about. If she did talk to anyone, she would feel as if what she told her brother would slip out to someone else that she did not want knowing about her secret.

  
Alastair nodded and carefully kept inside as if she was some sort of animal that would tear him to shreds. “She is persistent,” he commented. Cordelia smiled at his comment as she never really thought that he was fond of Lucie. “However.” Her brother’s continuance of his conversation grabbed her attention more now. “She delivered this letter herself.”

  
Cordelia’s eyes widened and her voice came out as a whisper. “She’s here?”

  
“She’s in the parlour,” Alastair said, “and she’s not alone.” Cordelia brought her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. Panic filled her with the knowledge of her brother telling her that Lucie was not alone. She was not in the mood to see James because she did not know what would happen if she started a conversation with him. Alastair was calm but you could see the confusion in the set of his shoulders which meant it was not James— causing the feeling to worsen. Alastair gave her a reassuring, warm look when he realised what she was thinking. “She said to read this before you came down to the parlour.”

  
He placed the letter by her feet and silently left the room to let her have her privacy in reading it. Cordelia dreaded the idea of reading the letter her _parabatai_ wrote but Lucie never hand-delivered her letters. She put her thoughts aside and tore the envelope open— reading the letter that held Lucie’s familiar scroll of handwriting.

_Dear Cordelia,_

  
_Do not worry about the other letters I have written to you. I know how you feel when you have told a secret so I wrote to you in reassurance as I had not had any new ideas for ‘The Beautiful Cordelia’._

  
_This letter, however, is rather important. I wrote this before coming to see you. I suppose you could tell because of my slightly rushed lettering. I wanted to talk to you about something in person rather than write about it as I thought you would feel uncomfortable with coming to the Institute and having to have wandered into the path of James._

  
_What I wanted to tell you was that I have had enough of keeping everyone’s secrets. It has become so hard keeping them all and I feel as if they are eating me alive. Today showed how much I have had enough of keeping them. I told mam and papa about one of the secrets that I have held._

  
_Please do come and see me so I can explain it to you._

  
_Lucie._

Cordelia felt the paper with Lucie’s handwriting on it slip from her fingers as she stared at each word. The letter fell to the ground as she rushed out of her bedroom— her feet carrying her downstairs. She was grateful she had not objected to getting dressed as it would have been horrible behaviour for a woman to greet someone, during midday, in their morning gown. She was surprised by the rapid movement that she did not tear the fabric of her green dress Anna had given to her. Lucie’s words replayed in Cordelia’s mind and she begged the angel that it was not her and James’s secret Lucie told.

  
“I knew my letter would have her leaving her room,” Lucie stuck her tongue out at Alastair in a teasing manner. Alastair left the room with the huff and mumbling under his breath— leaving her alone with Lucie and…

  
“Jesse?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I wanted to focus on mainly Lucie and Jesse in this chapter but I also wanted to incorporate the idea of some secrets being told.


	4. Truths Are Covered Up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "The only thing more shocking than the truth, are the lies people tell to cover it up."  
> ~ Anonymous

Lucie beamed at her _parabatai_ when she saw Cordelia staring at her and Jesse. It felt weird to be standing with the boy that she met in the forest all those years ago. Lucie sometimes hated how she was the only one, apart from Tatiana and Grace Blackthorn, that could see him. Now, it felt better for her. Lucie felt as if she was not holding something back and could feel comfortable.

"Hello Cordelia," Jesse said, and Lucie felt as if she would melt. She would not admit to it herself, but she had a feeling that there was something between her and Jesse that was more than just a friendship. "How are you?"

"Shocked," Cordelia said as she descended the stairs. "Do you not worry that someone of the Clave could just be unwelcomed into my house and see you?"

"I do worry, but I feel better about being back as the boy in which I once was." Lucie always noticed when Cordelia looked broken, but she did not look as if she felt broken now.

"Layla? Are you okay out there?" Lucie heard Cordelia's mother call. Cordelia hurried down the stairs and ushered her and Jesse into the parlour.

"Everything is fine Mama," Cordelia assured her mother. She looked at Lucie then and gave her a stern look. Lucie did not know why, but she could tell she was about to find out. "You made me scared for a minute there. I thought as if you would have told someone that mine and James's plan of marriage is fake."

Lucie stared at her in horror. "I would never, Daisy! You are my best friend and my parabatai. I would never betray either." Cordelia's smile was heart-filling, and Lucie's smile felt bright.

"Your plan of marriage is fake?" Jesse asked Cordelia.

"Unfortunately," Lucie scoffed as she dropped into a chair― Cordelia giggling at her actions. "Why your engagement must be fake, frustrates me."

"You understand why Lucie," Cordelia reminds her.

"I do not," Jesse interjects as he raises his hand up.

"It's because James is still in love with your sister," Cordelia says. "It is clear that her plans for marriage are also fake too."

"Or perhaps real," Jesse shrugs.

Lucie and Cordelia give each other a questioning look and then at Jesse. Both girls were about to ask Jesse what he meant but stopped when they heard Alastair's loud footsteps enter the room.

"I do believe you and Lucie do know why Layla." Lucie looked away at that and watched as the siblings stared at each other with a conversation.

"Okay." Lucie looked at them and noticed Cordelia smiling brightly at her older brother.

"I did not think it had anything to do with Charles," Jesse states. "More to the fact that my sister does indeed not love your brother Lul- Lucie." Lucie felt her cheeks heat up and watched as Jesse's heated up too. Usually, only her father would call her 'Lulu', but Lucie found it pleasant when Jesse called her that as well. Lucie noticed both Cordelia and Alastair looking at each other and giving the look siblings share when they see something between two people. Alastair was the one to break the silence by clearing his throat, but it was Cordelia who spoke first.

"What do you mean by that, Jesse?" Lucie watched as he looked at her and stared at the blue eyes that she inherited from her father.

"Grace does not love James."

* * *

"I do not understand!" Matthew exclaimed as he collapsed onto Anna's couch. He did this regularly. He came to give Anna gossip, or he would come to Anna and receive gossip from her.

"I do not understand any more than you, Matthew," Anna stated.

"But he is your cousin."

"Which does not mean that I understand his emotions at this current moment."

"Surely you would be able to know that James does not love Cordelia though. Or that he does not love Grace."

Anna only sipped her tea at that. Anna knew the latter. It was apparent when they were little kids. You could see it from miles away. No one had looked at Cordelia the same way her cousin looked at her. "I thought you were here to get the gossip on someone in particular." Matthew looked at her quickly and then covered his face with a pillow. "I will let you know, though, she has an interest in someone else."

"I do know that but who?" Matthew begs Anna.

Anna could only shrug. She didn't know if her cousin knew she was interested in someone, but Anna could see that she was. "She has that look, Matthew. As for you parabatai, well. If I truly could read him better, I would say it is a certain someone that you used to have an interest in."

"And Alastair?" Matthew asked.

"What is with all these questions, Matthew?"

"I need to know others are happy, unlike me."

"Matthew," Anna sighed and placed her tea on the coffee table. "I do not know how many times I must have to tell you. It is not your fault— which Cordelia even said. You also do not need to feed your happiness off of others. You have your happiness with being around those you love and those who love you so dearly. Stop living in guilt."

"You're so sentimental when it comes to me, Anna," Matthew beams at her.

"Do stop and do not let other's know." Matthew and Anna grinned at each other. The two of them had an interesting friendship others did not understand, but that was fine for both of them. They enjoyed their friendship.

* * *

Cordelia nearly fell when Jesse said that. Her brother caught her though, and Cordelia only knew that she had indeed stumbled a bit. It was not often other's told her things like this that would possibly only give her false hope. Jesse gave her a concerned look and Cordelia turned the other way. Alastair noticed a different look in his sister's eyes and spoke up for her instead.

"Why should we trust a once dead person?" he deadpanned.

Jesse brushed his comment away and gave Lucie a look as they shared a silent conversation. Lucie's eyes went wide and then turned to look at Alastair— only giving him a nod. Alastair's shoulders were still rigid by slowly relaxed as he knew he should believe her as Cordelia had put a lot of trust in her.

"You were not the one who was dead and witnessed a lot of things their family did and what others have done," Jesse shot back. Alastair looked as if he would stumble backwards but kept his composure well and stared Jesse down.

"I believe we can trust him," Alastair said.

"Just like that?" Cordelia was stunned by her brother's response at how easy his trust came to be with Jesse.

"Daisy," Lucie breathed out heavily. "You know you can trust Jesse. You knew he has been alive for months now." Alastair's looked at his sister with a shocked, yet annoyed facial expression.

"I do not like it when you are always right, Lucie," Cordelia spoke quietly as if she was saying it to herself.

"Nor do I." The pair grinned at each other as Jesse started to explain everything he knew of what Grace's intentions were with James.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow. It has been so long since I've updated and I do apologise for not updating. College has been hectic for me and I haven't had time to write. This chapter is so short, I'm so sorry. I just haven't had time to write. Hopefully, the next chapter will be a bit longer :)

**Author's Note:**

> So, I'm kind of new to this. This is my first fic and this is based on a headcanon that I wrote on my Tumblr. Hopefully, you guys enjoyed the first chapter of it though :)


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